It’s been over a year since my husband and I first started trying to conceive. To my dismay, it just never happened. We would try and try and try and… nothing. We first started in July of 2013, three months after my mother suddenly passed away to lung cancer. The shock of my life; but also a lesson that life comes and goes, it was time. It was time for my husband and I to start a life of our own. I love children, since I was younger I was always told I would be a good mother, just the way I was with the younger children and how I would hold my friend’s hand when we would jaywalk across the street, taking charge. I guess the protectiveness I always shared with others, is the reason I was told that and the reason I couldn’t wait to become a Mommy!
Something happened to me the first time we tried to conceive because I spotted about 6 days after. I was so sure I was pregnant! I never spotted in my life and my period was weeks away. I started feeling blotted, uncomfortable, soar boobs I would take test after test and they were all negative, then my period came one week earlier, that has never happened to me before. Ever since then my period became irregular, which was weird because it used to me like Swiss time.
In October of 2013, we went to the doctor for an annual check-up. I told him that we were trying to conceive so he ordered some extra blood tests, that’s when I discovered I had Hypothyroidism. Which means my thyroid gland does not produce enough thyroid hormone, to be exact I was only producing 5%. The doctor was amazed that I never ended up at the hospital because it was so low. On top of that, that hormone is essential to get pregnant and said that we were lucky to have caught it because if I did get pregnant there was a high risk of a miscarriage. I wonder if that is what happened to me in August… who knows.
I started to get my thyroid in order and in February of 2014 it finally stabilized. We were still trying in the mean time; but of course nada. That May I tried the ovulation kid, everyday since the day after my period ended I would pee on that damn stick and wait (BTW best to do it late afternoon/night), I was almost at the end of my 20 sticks and very close to my next period when the stick finally turned purple. I ovulated quite late and very close to my next period, is it normal? I do not know, one doc said yes, the other said no. At least I knew now that I did indeed ovulate, so it was good news. In June my period lasted me two weeks, so weird and then again in July, it started the 2nd and ended the 14th. I finally went to the gynecologist again, at that point there must have been something wrong with me. Maybe I was going through early on-set menopause or something. I did get my period when I was only 11, maybe I could get menopause at 29!
So I went to the gyno, I was ready to get tested to see what was wrong with me or what was wrong with my husband; but everything looked good, she palpitated my breasts which I explained to her they were hurting for two weeks. She laughed a said “Maybe you are already pregnant”, I replied “Doubtful!”. She explained that it would happen quite often that women will come in ready to find out why they can’t get pregnant and then they will call back two weeks later “I’m Preggers!”. As she said that to me I looked at her and though “maybe she’s a witch and I am in fact pregnant right now!”. She even did a ultrasound, by sticking a very long tube down there, very uncomfortable. She said my ovaries look good a part from one that was a bit, which she explained by her expression of sad and bent over; but nonetheless it was normal, I might have recently ovulated. I asked her “IF I were pregnant, would you be able to see something?”. She said that it would be way to early to see anything. She took a blood test to check all my hormones as my periods were lasting too long and that was that.
My period was supposed to arrive and i was already on my 34th day of my cycle. It was later than usual so I took a pregnancy test; but of course it was negative. I had this pregnancy test left over from a neighbor that gave me some boxes, you know the cheap kind. On my 37th day of my cycle still no sign of Mrs. P., so I took a clear blue test, in the morning, and laid it on the floor of my shower and finished my business. I almost had forgotten about it until I was about to leave the bathroom and remembered and checked it, it said PREGNANT. My first second reaction was like OK, then it went to OMG to OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. my husband was still in bed and I had always fantasized surprising him with M&Ms blue, pink and yellow. One M&M would say YOU ARE, there other GOING, then TO BE A, and finally DADDY! I would give this to him as a present and he would have to figure out the hidden message; but that idea went out of the window. I was way to excited I had to tell him now!! But how? So with quick thinking I put the pregnancy test under my arm pitt and went back to bed. He was sleeping and I turned on the light and said “Darling, I do not feel well at all. Can you check my thermometer?”, He was a little startled; but understood and I handed him the test; but of course he was trying to read a thermometer and in the mean time I recorded the whole thing! He looked at me in shock and then smiled and stretched as he was just waking up and told “Take another one”. He didn’t believe me! He said I think I am pregnant every month, which is so not true. So I drink a bottle of water and do it again, this time I bring both tests as he is showering and told him “See!!!”. He was still in shock and i was jumping up and down and said “OMG I have to tell my family!”, to which he replied “No we need to wait until three months”. I said “Who cares?! I do not understand why we have to wait! If something does happen, people will know and that will be that. They will know not to ask me if I am pregnant yet”. They’ve been asking me that for almost two years! At least for now they can all shut up! haha
I recorded everybody’s reaction, my dad is on top of the moon, my sister was crying from joy. My grandfather couldn’t believe it. My other side of the family, where I have 5 older cousins -including my sister- who are not married and childless where in complete shock. I was the second youngest, how could little Simi be married and pregnant?! Isn’t it funny how I am pregnant exactly a year after we started trying and what is up with the voodoo witch doctor? I do not believe in coincidences, she must have liked me because while I was at her office I fixed her computer, the mouse wasn’t working. You see good deeds do not go unseen.
What have I learnt from this experience? If you really want something to happen and doesn’t, just give up and relax because only then will things start happening! Who ever said never to give up on your dreams obviously never tried to get pregnant. 😉
The Moon Diary 